Docko: This Bud Beard's For You

Not only has word reached me that Docko is hankering after something to mock me about (and I've got one word for you, boy: receipt) but it strikes me that all the photos so far have been of the "pretty but dull" (or possibly "pretty dull") variety.

So, in an attempt to satisfy those with a preference for the kind of stories where I fall in a river and also provide some visual variation, I've pulled out all the stops, stayed up late into the night, cranked up the laugh-o-matic and produced the finest joke to appear on this blog - hell, any blog - so far. Click the text below and prepare yourself for something even funnier than Jim Davidson.*

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Close to spectacular, I'm sure you'll agree. My nearest and dearest have no need to dread being seen with me in public however - no more than usual, anyway - as I shaved it off the other day (they were going to make me leave the country otherwise).

The Facts Behind the Beard:

1) It took a month to reach the state you see above.
2) No, seriously, a month.
3) Yes, there's a hint of ginger there, a fact that saw me briefly consider untying the bungy rope before I jumped.
4) I have no idea what the whole thing with the tongue is about. I could have sworn I had a decent picture of the damn thing but after I'd shaved I only had this one on there, which I couldn't even remember taking.
5) No trimming of any kind occured during the growth period - any bare patches are simply a testament to my lack of testosterone.
6) A girl in Queenstown said it suited me - conclusive proof that subtle humour in the younger generation didn't disappear with the rise of the chav (who would, no doubt, simply have described it as "well gay").

* Jim Davidson strapped to a pool table and having his bollocks used by John Virgo to practice a particularly complex trick shot, that is.